No Sunshine
by Jazzafaire
Summary: Nessie and Jacob were suppose to live happily ever after but when tragedy strikes La Push their plans are crushed and there love is in major jeopardy, how can they possibly deal with the pain of losing one another?
1. Not Good With Goodbyes

Renesmee eyes glistened in the moon light as she laid her warm hand upon Jacobs check. His head was suddenly filled with images of them together accompanied by the heart-wrenching emotions that were clouding Nessie's mind. He sighed before covering her hand with his and slowly guided it off of his face, she got the message and placed both her hands around his mid section instead. Jacob started to feel dampness where her head laid on his chest, and he quickly searched his mind for something-anything- to say that will stop her flow of tears.

He leaned down and placed his cheek on the top of her head. "I love you," he whispered with such intensity that not even God himself could contradict that statement. However it had the opposite effect of that he hoped for. Her once silent tears were now accompanied with hysterical sobs. "Come on Ness don't do this to me."

She tried her hardest to stop crying because she didn't want to make Jacob uncomfortable on the last minutes she would have with him for who knows how long. "Sorry," she whispered so silently that she thought she hadn't said it at all.

"No it's fine, I understand," he reassured her. "It's just I'm really going to miss you," he said but than regretted saying it because 'miss' wasn't a strong enough emotion. The way that he was going to feel without her was such a tragic feeling that he rather not think of it in that instant. There will be plenty of time to wallow in his despair without her seeing it and making her feel even worst.

"I think it's time for you to go," he said realize that the more time she spent with him the harder it will be to let her leave. "Don't want to keep everyone waiting."

"I don't care about that," she said shaking her head. She inhaled his intoxicating scent and was close to crying again when she realized that she had no idea how long it will be until she could be comforted by his aroma again. She sighed understanding that she's not good with goodbyes. She never lost anyone that was as important to her as Jacob. She promised herself that she would do whatever it takes to never be overcome by this terrible feeling ever again.

She looked up at him and committed his face to her memory, she would hate herself if she forgot how Jacob looked to her. How his eyes were filled with the look of pain but were overshadowed with his unconditional love for her. For the millionth time she tried to find a simple answer, something that would make his pain go away, something that would make her pain go away. But she knew that this couldn't be avoided.

She was yanked out of her pointless thoughts by the feeling of his lips on hers. She quickly moved her hands from his midsection to the top of his head. They kissed passionately for a few seconds before Jacob broke it off. He sighed once more and placed his lips softly on top of her head, kissing her hair, before he slowly took 5 steps backwards. Her eyes were pleading with him to not go and for a brief second he almost stayed, he decided to get into that car with her and her family and drive away to Boston together but he cared to much for his pack to do that.

He turned around and jumped into the air as a man but landed on all fours, he didn't look back like he wanted to, instead he plunged into the forest and ran back to La Push.

Renesmee stood there longer than necessary hoping that he would come back and say that he changed his mind, that he didn't care about the pack nearly as much as he cared about her, that he wanted to go with her. But as soon as that thought entered her mind she felt ashamed for thinking such things. She was being selfish and she knew it but she didn't care. She wanted her Jacob.

She turned around and started to walk back to the house, instead of going through the front door she entered the garage and got into her father's newest car. Jasper was driving with Edward in the passenger seat, Alice was in the back seat accompanied by Bella and Nessie took her seat next to her mother.

Carlisle and Esme were already in Boston getting things settled and Emmett and Rosalie had about an hour head start, the only reason the rest of her family was still here is because she wanted to prolong her goodbye with Jacob.

Renesnee's thoughts were cleverly crafted around the mystery that awaited her in her new home. She didn't dare think about Jacob knowing that her father was ease dropping on her suppose to be private thoughts. However she slipped and thought about what Jacob could be doing at that very moment and she was suddenly bombarded with the feeling of sorrow.

She saw her uncle flinch in the rear view mirror as her emotions hit him and heard her father whisper Jaspers name, than she suddenly felt calm and collected. The feeling of sorrow was gone but it was replaced by irritation.

"Mom can I please have some privacy," she said as she tapped her index finger along her temple.

"Bella don't do that please," her father said and suddenly her mothers face was filled with conflict. She was torn between pleasing the two most important people to her, but Renesmee refused to lose this battle. She placed her hand on her mother's cheek and pleaded some more.

"Edward," Bella sighed. "She does need her privacy."

Renesmee smiled at her father, probably the last time she would have a genuine smile for a while, and herd him hiss under his voice. That was her cue that she was finally free to think as she please. But having her mind be private again was bittersweet, she was using the excuse of not wanting to make her father miserable be the reason why she wouldn't think of Jacob but she no longer had that excuse. She started to search her memory, looking for the reason why Jacob wasn't with her and had to go back to a whole year prior.


	2. Welcome Home

I guess you can say that things started to spiral out of control last May. Seth was due back from Washington State and I was so excited to see him again. There's a special place in my heart for every member of Jakes pack (even Leah, although I'd never mention that to her) but I always thought that Seth had the biggest section. So I was depressed for days when he went off to college, which in turn made Jacob depressed as well, as if losing one of his brothers wasn't hard enough. But Seth was like a brother to me also and I definitely wasn't prepared to lose him.

I tried to compare how it felt to lose Seth to losing Jake but it didn't feel like a fair comparison. With Seth it felt like someone stole something from me. Something that was vital to my existence and I didn't know who was the thief or what was stolen, so trying to look for it was a pointless effort, but eventually I did get it back because eventually Seth came back. However losing Jake is like someone snatched my soul, so I felt hollow and worthless. And like my heart was dying, just crumbling into a tiny ball and turning into dust. So I was now soulless and heartless.

Jacob isn't heartless though, in fact it's his big heart that keeps him in La Push right now. That and the fact that he cares about his pack more than he cares about me. I sighed internally (because daddy would be upset if I did it audibly) for the reason that Jacob should care about his pack more. Those are his brothers and his family, I'm just the girl who he imprinted on.

Before all of this happened I use to think that meant something. I use to take pride in knowing that out of all the girls in the world I was the one person that Jacob Black was meant to be with. But right now it just felt like an inconvenience. If he hadn't imprinted on me than maybe I wouldn't be in so much pain right now.

So Jake offered to take me to La Push so I can welcome Seth back. When he cam home for spring break Jake, Alice, Jasper, Momma, Daddy and I were in the Amazon visiting some old friends. So it had been months since I last saw him.

I remember that I didn't want to go to La Push for several reasons. One of them being that Seth was staying with Leah. Ever since Sue and Grandpa got married 3 years ago she's moved in with him and left her house to her children. Seth has been living in Seattle so he had no use for it so it was now considered Leah's house and ever since than I've never set foot in there.

I guess you can say that Leah and I have sort of a love-hate relationship. I try to love her and she tries not to hate me (however she hasn't been very successful), and I always wondered why she disliked me so much. I didn't have the nerves to ask her myself or to ask Jake for that matter, so that just became a hidden mystery that I thought would never be solved.

So anyway, Seth was staying with her until his last semester starts off in Fall. The second reason I didn't want to go was because it was raining. I know that's not much of an excuse in Forks but there was something about this rain, it reminded me of the soft drizzle that feel right before a storm hit but aunt Alice said that there was no storm coming so the rain was eerie and out of place.

I almost declined but Jake seemed very eager to see Seth and saying no to him was hard enough so I decided it wouldn't hurt anything to see my long lost brother.

The drive to La Push was filled with our silence, something was bothering Jake. I wanted to ask but I knew that if he wanted me to know than he would've told me by now. So I was having an internal battle about whether I should ask him what's wrong or not. I looked at his profile and he seemed so deep in thought that he probably forgot that I was even there. Finally my concern for him won the battle and I placed my palm against his cheek. I was right about him forgetting that I was in the car because he literally jumped in shock by the contact, his face showing the same expression that everyone gave the first time they experience my power.

"It's nothing you should worry yourself with," he answered my silent question.

"That's not possible," I mumbled and he looked at me for a long second before giving me a half-hearted smile that I didn't return.

"Really it's nothing I just have a lot to think about," he shook his head and smiled again.

I was about to ask him another question but it suddenly hit me that the car had stopped and you could see Leah's house through the soft rain.

I opened the door and started to walk towards the house, before Jake's hand slid into mine. Seth opened the door before we could reach the porch.

"Ness!" He yelled with a huge grin plastered on his face. He reached out to me and pinned me against his body in a painful bear hug. "Hey Jake," he said while still holding on to me. The way he reacted to seeing made me feel awful for almost staying home.

"Seth you're hurting her," Jake said with a chuckle just as Seth finally let me go.

I tried to catch my breath as Jacob walked into the house, "I'm gonna go see what's up with Leah," he said leaving Seth and I to catch up.

We both sat down on the wooden porch swing and looked out at the rain for a few minutes before he broke the silence, "What's new Ness?"

"Um," I searched my mind for anything interesting that's happened since I last saw him back in January but came up with a total blank, "what's new with you?"

His eyes lit up with excitement before he announced, "well I've been seeing this girl and –"

"Oh my lord Seth you imprinted?!" I cut him off mid sentence but his once excited face fell.

"No I didn't," he looked away from me as I tried to understand. "I don't think I'm ever going to imprint Ness."

I didn't say anything even though I didn't believe that he'll never imprint, he just haven't found the right girl yet. My mind immediately flashed to the whole Sam, Emily, and Leah story. I don't think that Seth is being very fair to this girl he's dating. How can he possibly see her when he knows that the one person that he's meant to be with is still out there?

"I know what you're thinking, and it's not like that," he answered my silent question. "If I was really meant to imprint than don't you think it would've happened by now?" he asked me.

I shrugged my shoulders before answering, "You have to admit Seth, it's a big world and you haven't really seen much of it."

He sighed, "I know but I really like this girl-"

I interrupted him again, "and don't you think that Sam really liked Leah?" I asked and he nodded slowly, thinking about the all to familiar pain that his sister had to go through after Sam imprinted.

"You know this isn't fair," I told him sounding way too old for my age (or the age I pretend to be for that matter).

"How about you just let me be happy?" He said shoving my knee in a playful manner, "if the time comes and I do imprint than I'll deal with it then."

I nodded my head after realizing that my perspective on things wasn't very fair either. So what if Seth never did imprint? So he would just have to go through life never knowing what it is to fall in love.

I was shoved out of my current thought by the sound of arguing coming from inside the house. Seth and I both gave each other a confused look before standing up to see what Jake and Leah were disputing over.

Just as I was about to open the front door it swung open nearly missing me and Leah stepped through the door and gave me a look that sent chills through my spine.

"Get – Out" she hissed. I glanced at Seth who was looking at his sister with utter shock.

"I said get out!" She yelled this time before pushing me off the porch and into the rain. I feel on my back side with a loud 'thud'.

Before I had time to process what just happened Jake was standing in the door frame. His eyes flashed at me on the ground before he crouched down and growled at Leah. Before he sprang however Seth put himself in front of his sister. "Whoa Jake calm down, don't do anything stupid."

A few long seconds pasted with Jake and Leah glaring at each other before Jake stood out of his crouch. He took a few steps forwards but still stood a good distance away from them.

"Don't you ever even think about laying your hands on her again," his voice was still a low growl and even though Leah's face was still obviously angry her eyes reveled her fear.

Jake stood there for another second making sure that his threat sunk in before jumping of the porch and helping me up. "Are you alright?" he asked in a voice so soft that it was hard to believe that he was the same person that just snapped at Leah.

I just nodded my head afraid that my voice would revel how scared I really was at that moment. I stroked his face with the tips of my fingers and echoed the question that he just asked me.

"I'm fine, let's go," he grabbed my hand and nearly dragged me to the car.

I put one hand up as a goodbye to Seth and he smiled at me in return but when I looked at his sister I knew that all the progress we'd made through out the years were now completely useless and she hated me more than I thought could be possible.


End file.
